Hello, I'm A'magine.
As a young grad student, I remember going to my first professional sexuality conference, and there were some keynote speakers on kink and BDSM. As I listened to their presentations, I got all kinds of funny feelings inside of me and was totally lit up about exploring this part of me. I couldn’t stop thinking about it, and started to dabble a little bit with my then girlfriend.
The next year, freshly single, I went to the same conference and met a butch top who was confident, sexy and self-possessed–and I knew she could show me more than a thing or two about playing with power. We started dating and we lived in different east coast cities so that meant a lot of phone time, which gave me time to practice dirty talk without being watched, even when I felt kind of silly. She asked me pointed questions about my desires and didn’t let me off the hook. I got to drill down into what I wanted, and she taught me how to negotiate play.
And then we played. We would spend whole weekends together playing and she popped so many of my cherries, I couldn’t possibly count them. I learned what it felt like to submit and bottom to someone and she got me to do all kinds of things I had never dreamed I’d be into. I also learned to top by being topped by such an expert player. She took play seriously, understood safety and was a naughty sadist. I didn’t get to top her, but when I started topping other people, I knew how to stretch into this very strong side of myself and “run the fuck,” as my mentor Betty Dodson would call it.
Today, I remain pretty switchy, meaning I like to top and bottom. I would not have learned that without all the exploration of power I did. It prepared me and uncovered parts of me that were always there, just waiting to come out and play. We often learn what we like and don’t like by trying things on, dancing in unknown parts of ourselves and finding something new to uncover.