My Journey to Orgasm & What It Got Me

by | Jan 14, 2022 | Pleasure & Desire, Sexual Empowerment

In my TEDx talk “Own Your Sexual Power” I talked about how I was shamed by my mother for touching my genitals (and enjoying their smell) when I was eight or nine years old.

What I didn’t share in my talk was that I literally stopped touching my genitals except to wash them for ten years after that, right through my sexual initiation, my initiation into dating life and growing into my young adult sexual body. That’s a long time, and a very effective 3-second unintentional shaming.

Being disenfranchised from my genitals meant disenfranchisement from my sexuality. It meant following the sexual patterns, desires and model of my partners, who were all male at that time. It meant not understanding how my own body works and it meant a lot less pleasure.

I didn’t have any reference point and was totally in the dark about pleasure and orgasm. I had a high school boyfriend who wanted to help me orgasm and tried his damnedest to even the score with mutually pleasurable sex so we could both experience that level of pleasure, and still, I couldn’t. I couldn’t because I wouldn’t touch myself. The shame was too deep. The message too strong. “Stop touching yourself and smelling yourself!” It echoed.

One day when we were having sex my boyfriend (who I was super in love with) was working my pussy and it felt good but I still couldn’t get over the hump. He put my hand on my vulva and moved it a little, directing me to try it myself. What a smart guy. But I instinctively yanked my hand away because I was well-trained. Girls don’t touch themselves.I went away for college and couldn’t wait to take SOC 152, the Human Sexuality course that nearly every student clamored for. On stage, in a lecture hall of roughly 900 students, my professors told us to touch our genitals to learn what felt good. It was an assignment! Being a high achiever, the spell was immediately broken, because the experts were telling me to go touch myself. So of course, I did! And after a few tries, getting stuck at that place before the hump, not being able to push over with that extra ummphh into climax…READ MORE>>

A’magine is a pioneer in sexual empowerment and her extensive real-world experience sparkles throughout this book. This is a delightful journey toward better, richer, more fulfilling sex, for women who want more joyful, creative, pleasurable lives.


co-founder of Cuddle Party

Hi, I’m A’magine

I’ve been a Sexual Empowerment Educator
[&] Coach for over 25 years

I’ve helped thousands of people improve their lives, boost their confidence, learn the art of asking for what they want, step into their power, learn to radically love their bodies, show up as emotionally powerful in their relationships, rock-star their mid-life with the best sex ever, and put in perspective and practice the very real and important role sexuality was meant to play in their lives