Planning the perfect sexcation can add an exciting twist to your typical vacation. Imagine a sexy getaway filled with erotic thrills, flirtation, and seduction. Be your own sexual tour guide and explore expansive and creative ways to spice up your trip with sexy activities tailored for couples. It’s time to turn your relaxing vacation into a memorable adventure where you can indulge in new and intimate experiences.
As adults, we need the chance to have erotic play together sans children and other family and responsibilities. We need space for unfettered play, languorous mornings, lots of affection and flirtation, sex in unusual places, and erotic thrills. Especially if you’ve spent too much of your time off work visiting relatives and in-laws, where you need to keep a lid on your sexual expression. Not sexy!
Let’s face it, laundry, bills, crying children, overpacked schedules, appointments and carpools are the antithesis of sexy. Nothing can kill your boner like the perpetual rat wheel of the mundane aspects of everyday life. Spicing things up means doing something different, out of the box, unexpected or inspiring. And getting away from those everyday tasks and priorities gives you the time and space to devote to sharing your sexuality with your beloved. You need a sexcation where you take time out of your busy schedule not only to relax, but to unplug and to specifically create lots of time for delicious sexual experiences and adventures.
Designing your Sexcation
When creating the vision for your yummy sexy time with your lover(s), consider what your desires and intentions are, what factors will set you up for success, and where and how your sexcation will take place. Is this a couples trip? Is this a group trip with multiple lovers, or friends who are game for sex parties? Or is this a trip where you want a sexual tour guide?
Choosing a Sexcation Location
Are you going some place new together that you’ve never been? Are you bringing your lover to a place you’ve been before, but that’s new for them (or vice versa) and you want to show them some special spots?
Do you want a sexy city, sexy country or sexy beach vibe? Are you inspired by people, art and activities that feel alive? Then maybe you want to go sexy city in Paris or Istanbul and some other lively destination. Is the quiet of the country, which allows for your most focused, joyful and loud expressions of sexual bliss the vibe you want? Look for a cabin in the woods or a cute cottage on hill. Or is the lull of the water, salt air and a relaxed beach town vibe more what will stoke your fire? (Pro-tip: as much as people love the fantasy of sex on the beach, the reality of sex on the beach with sand, wind and saltwater is often a huge disappointment. Chafing of sensitive parts on sand and salt particles just isn’t what we want.) Consider what will get your sex juices flowing, as you choose a location.
Putting yourselves in a different location and environment allows you to step out of your typical roles as you escape everyday life. When no one knows you and there is an air of anonymity, so your relationship can be free to be anything you want it to be without worrying about what the Jones’ think about it. There can be a fun clandestine element in a faraway trip that raises the erotic charge. You can exploit this aspect of your travel.
If you want a sexual tour guide to teach you fun things or show you some fun sexual sites and events, that is an amazing way to inject your relationship with a solid dose of new energy, inspiration and expertise.
Making Your Sexcation Schedule
You or your sexual tour guide can schedule sexy activities like romantic dinners or a visit to a sex club in the right places. Your sexy itinerary might include a little ecosexuality where you seek out natural beauty and ecstatic experiences in nature. However, be sure to have lots of precious unscheduled time. The point is not to have to run around and be places—you do enough of that routine at home. Allow yourself to be lazy and generous with time, with nowhere to be.
Because we are often so overscheduled, and get stuck trying to fit sex in between the busy contours of our work and family lives, it’s also helpful to expand your idea of your sexcation beyond a formal trip where you’re both going someplace else. Even if you’re not going out of town, why not try putting an erotic twist on the staycation by devoting time at home for erotic play? You don’t have to take an 11-day trip to Belize. Sometimes just staying in a local hotel or resort together for a night or a weekend can put an erotic charge in your relationship.
And if one partner travels for business, accompanying them on their trip offers an opportunity to get out of your routines. Role play as the sexy executive assistant or corporate fluffer. This will help you discover some tantalizing opportunities for power play and erotic tension! It definitely beats being alone in a corporate hotel room after a day of meetings or a conference.
How to Set Expectations and Get on the Same Page
Who among us hasn’t experienced the disappointment of setting aside time to have a magical experience with a lover, only to find that they missed the memo and ended up overscheduled or otherwise unavailable for sexy time? For a sexcation to go well, everyone involved ought to set expectations together and ensure that everyone’s needs get met. This can be a way to build trust and get the juices flowing.
Especially if you are going someplace new together, you’ll want to set up the communication beforehand so you can handle any uncertainties if and when they come up.
How to Talk to Your Partner About Your Sexcation
Hopes and Fears
Perhaps, when planning your trip together, you set aside time to each talk about your hopes and fears. It works best and people are most honest if you each write down your hopes and fears first, and then talk about them.
Just make two columns on a page and in one, write down all your hopes about what your sexcation will bring. Then write down all your fears of what might or might not happen in the other column. Once you’ve both written your lists, talk about them. You’ll find some overlap and be able to address the fears you each have and plan for some of those possibilities and how you will handle them if they come up. Likewise, you can use your hopes lists to help you plan a sexcation that will be satisfying and exciting for both of you. If it’s not, it won’t work.
Some examples could be:
- I hope that this trip provides some quality time for us to get out of our routines and enjoy being together in an unscheduled way.
- I want to enjoy being in beautiful nature with you, feeling sensual and alive, swimming next to waterfalls and feeding each other exotic fruit.
- One fear I have is that you’ll hear my bad Spanish while we’re on vacation, think that my pronunciation is totally unsexy, and not want to be around me. (Never underestimate the little insecurities that can come out while traveling someplace new with someone!)
- I’m nervous that I won’t be able to relax the way I want to and that it will take time to really unwind and get into the sexy headspace I want to be in with you.
- I’m nervous about going to a sex club for the first time. What if I don’t like it?
If you are planning a sexcation specifically to revitalize the erotic spark within the relationship, communicating beforehand in this way helps to remove the sense of pressure that makes it harder to really open up in the moment.
Core Desired Feelings
Another way to get on the same page and avoid the pressure of external goals is to talk about how you want to feel together. Each person involved can create a list of the core desired feelings they want to embrace during this experience, whether it’s a week-long trip to an exotic location or a weekend at home where you stay in bed until noon and don’t check your e-mail. Once each person shares their core feelings, it becomes easier to envision the kinds of experiences you might plan. For example, how might you approach a lover who listed these feelings:
- loved
- desired
- worshiped
- playful
- surrendered
versus these?
- dominant
- powerful
- confident
- primal
- raw
Checking in about the feelings you want to have will go a long way for planning something extra special and magical that goes beyond expectations.
What to Pack & What NOT to Pack
Along with your usual accouterments, like safer sex materials and toys, think about what NOT to pack when heading off on your sexcation… Definitely leave work-related stuff at home. Don’t get your lube confiscated in your carry-on!
Even the laptop can be a distraction, as it offers an opening into the Black Hole of E-mail and worky work things. Bring the iPad along only if you must. If you do bring technology, try queuing up some sexy erotic films to watch together. Or bring along some erotica, and read each other a bedtime story. You are going to want music so make sure there is a player at your destination, or bring your own speaker.
You might also bring some extra sex towels if you might need them, especially if anyone might be menstruating. Bring chargers or extra batteries for toys. There is no buzz kill like a vibrator that craps out right before an orgasm. On that note, remember to charge up everything before you leave.
Bring cards or sexy games, journals if you like to write, and of course, clothes that make you feel sensual and sexy. If it’s winter or will be cold and there will be a bathtub, bring some things for a bubble bath. Robes are also a good idea if you will be somewhere that may not provide them.
Build Desire In How You Travel With Anticipation
The tickets are booked, the kids are out the door, you’ve set up the auto-responder on your e-mail. You’ve packed all your sexy things and left the computer at home. You’ve shared your core desired feelings and talked about your hopes and fears.
Now, it’s time to PLAY! Look for ways to creatively build desire and anticipation as you transition into your sexcation. Flirtation goes a long way. If you’re traveling far, perhaps you plan to arrive separately so that when you meet up at your destination, it’s as though you’re meeting for the first time. Maybe you sit in different seats on the airplane and flirt with each other at the airport bar. Perhaps you tantalize your lover with a series of erotic texts or handwritten notes, telling them what you have in store (referencing their core feelings, of course). A new sexy playlist and outfits that make you feel delicious and desirable can go a long way to amp up your own juiciness.
Want a Guided Sexcation?
Some folks are in a place where they want some support around their sexual lives, and taking a trip to focus on it is the right move. The reality is that very few people got the effective and accurate sexuality education that set them up to have great sexual relationships. That is something you actually have to seek out in your adult life if you care about sexual evolution and fulfillment.
I have personally been working with adults to help them create great sexual lives for the last 15+ years. As a coach and educator, I work with couples, throuples, small groups and individuals to develop a stronger relationship with their sexuality and more satisfying sexual lives. I know the power of sexuality to impact everything in life and to breathe life back into a relationship that has been rocky.
Whether you are a new couple wanting to prioritize a healthy sexual life from the start, honeymooners who want to center sex as you embark on your lifetime journey together, or a couple who has been together for decades and need to spice things up, I can work with you to have an unforgettable experience you will never forget.
Want to get a close group of friends or couples together? We can do that too. Just fill out this brief survey and let’s see what we can cook up.
Get Your Sexcation Worksheet
Hopefully, this has given you some fun ideas for how to arrange and execute a sexcation. Don’t underestimate the power of having time to not feel rushed in sex and to be naked, free and sensual with your lover(s). A sexcation can provide a fantastic reboot, and you’ll return to work having people wonder what’s different about you.
Also, one quick note: Sometimes, there can be a drop after a meaningful getaway, so plan in a little sexy connection and aftercare the week after you arrive home so you don’t get the blues because it’s over. And if you do, that’s a great time to start planning the next one!
