It’s that holiday time again, the time of joy, cheer, holy union. Time to be with family. The warmest time of the year, right? How sex falls to the wayside during the holidays While the holidays can lend themselves to a deeply sensual experience, there is no...
5 Biggest Mistakes Couples Make With Sex: #5 – Fear
#5: Not going for it, while fear leads the way. People often say it’s easier to do the freaky deeky things they fantasize about with someone they barely know, rather than a long-term intimate partner. It can feel more vulnerable to share the things that are...
How to Plan the Perfect Sexcation
Sometimes you don’t merely need a vacation where you can have fun and relax. You need a sexcation where you take time out of your busy schedule to not only relax. But to unplug and to specifically create lots of time for delicious sexual experiences and adventures. As...
Opening Up to Possibility with Sex Play
Play is the exultation of the possible.–Martin Buber Ever since I first came across that quote by Buber, I have kept it on one of my altars at home, a daily reminder of one of my core values. Play. Sex play is a cornerstone of my work. We intuitively knew play as...
Are you having receptacle sex?
Sometimes the sexual milieu is painfully unfulfilling. One thing I’ve heard far too often from women over the last few years is that they are having “duty sex” with their husbands or partners. Receptacle sex. They have sex, not because they want to, but because they...
So You Want a Great Relationship?
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about commitment. Women often come to me because they want the perfect relationship. They want someone to show up for them, to be true, not to stray, to be present and authentic. They want to be fully loved. And they can’t figure out...
Running Away from Your Sex Life
As we enter the holiday season of busy travel and social engagements, I want to say a few things about travel and sex. It’s way too easy to put your sex life on hold. For “I’ll deal with that next year,” to become your mantra. Then you look back years later...
Planning Makes Sex Hot: How to Have the Sexy Year of Your Dreams
People have many myths and misunderstandings about sexuality. In my work one of the biggest myths I’ve heard about sex is that it should just “be spontaneous”. That it “should just happen” when it fact, planning makes sex hot. Somehow the idea that sex shouldn’t...
Love is an Action
Last week we said goodbye to my grandfather as he went to the next world. Some family members showed up and some didn’t. As we were talking about how sweet it was to be together, I said that I believe love is an action that starts with how you show up. Love is a...
“Cheating” is Not a Black and White Affair
When a person experiences the infidelity of a partner in a relationship, it can really rock their world. Finding out your lover transgressed the commitments they made to you and to your relationship can feel like a big betrayal. Women often go into a place of...
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The Plight of the Sexually Inexperienced Adult
There is a common sexual experience that few people talk about and yet is more pervasive than most people realize.
Many adults are sexually inexperienced and this causes a slew of issues as they get further into adulthood, deeper into relationships, and well past the age when they “think” they should know.
How do we define “sexually inexperienced”?
First, we have to ask what it means to be sexually inexperienced.
Does it mean you’ve never had orgasms? You’ve only had a certain amount of sexual partners? How many? Certain types of partners? Haven’t explored sex with people of multiple genders? That you have only had certain types of sex? That you never had the sex education you know you need?
The Grief Beneath Liberation
The Surprising Grief at the Start of Sexual Healing There is a surprising grief and loss that often come up when people make the move to step into their full sexual power. When you start making your sexuality a priority, after decades of pushing it under the rug, off...
When Your Sexual Energy is Blocked
German-born physician-scientist Wilhelm Reich “was best known for his claims of a cosmic life force associated with sexual orgasm,” (CBS News). Because the U.S. was not ready for such a progressive, sex-positive idea, stemming from the power of orgasmic energy, his...
The Vulnerability of Healing
The day before my surgery, I got a Facebook note from Jr. High/High School friend, saying “It sounds like you are preparing for the worst. You are going to be okay!” My Sexy Nurses! This put a smile on my face! I was confused by this because I believed that I was...
The Illusion of Independence
As I wrote last week, my healing process has been really beautiful, made so by my own commitment to it, my planning and my community. But that did not come without effort and a major shift in perspective. I am someone who had to grow up very quickly and was always...
Why “Good Guys Finish Last”
As a sex coach, I’ve been talking to A LOT of amazing, available heterosexual women about what they want in a man over the last several years, and I think it’s high time I talk to you guys about it. I co-wrote Lesbian Sex Secrets for Men nearly 15 years ago to help...
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