The Grief Beneath Liberation

by | Jan 20, 2023 | latest, Solo Play, The Birds & the Bees

The Surprising Grief at the Start of Sexual Healing

There is a surprising grief and loss that often come up when people make the move to step into their full sexual power. When you start making your sexuality a priority, after decades of pushing it under the rug, off to the side, or out of sight, the loss of all those years can flood in, and almost eclipse the new freedom you feel. 

The road to a sexually empowered and fulfilled life can be a long one. Many people do not know how or where to do their sexual healing even if they know it’s there to be done. It can be many years before you find a way to grip your sexuality from a place where you can get a handle on it, and start to guide it towards the pleasure, joy and fulfillment it can provide at its ultimate best. 

There is a grief that sneaks up and can fill a heart that has been wanting deeper connection to the body and soul with sex, with another human, with the pleasure one is capable of. 

That grief might be for all the lost years, or for not having known how to do it differently. 

The grief is often for the sexual abuse or assault that was experienced, which then can scare you away from having more sexually because sexuality became a place that hurt, a place where one can be harmed—not a place that feels good. 

Getting to the other side of a healing process often involves feeling the deep grief of what was taken away, of how you didn’t get to control or guide the healthy sexual evolution you wish they could have had from a young age.

It is the grief of not having had a choice about what happened to your body or how you awoke to the sexual feelings in your body. It might have been so painful that it became easier to not feel sexual feelings at all. 

There is no way to go back and change what happened. There is only now and the sexual evolution you want to experience starting today. You have the rest of your human life to make it what you want it to be, on your terms, in your desires, from a place of choice. 

The grief that might come up is a normal part of the process. Don’t let it scare you away from the magic in the healing. 

Sexual Healing is the Last Frontier

Sexual healing is often the last frontier, once mental and emotional wellbeing have been handled, the yoga practices and the workouts are in place, the meditation and the spiritual growth are on fire, it tends to be then, that the sexual work begins. 

There are so many reasons why it may have taken as long as it did to get to. There is no benefit in berating yourself for taking too long, adding to the grief of the process and the years that feel lost. 

Whatever happened in those years as you made your way to your healing needed to happen. 

You may have been busy creating the skills you needed to do the healing work. 

You may have been working on your relationship and communication skills

You may have been having babies and creating a family. 

It’s okay. It’s perfect. 

You did what you needed to do for your own self-preservation, and now that you are face-to-face with your sexual self, you get to hold it with tenderness and love, kindness and patience, as you ready yourself to open to new facets of who and what you are, and what is possible for you. 

Sexual healing is no straight line. It is a windy road, sometimes lonely and often confusing. 

Sometimes you take sharp turns that don’t move you forward. 

Sometimes you lose track of where you are going because you’ve never been there and don’t know what it looks like. 

The Ever-Evolving Becoming

Trust that it is there for you. Trust that when you allow yourself to heal the wounds that have eaten away at your skin or made it hard to be in it, that you will find new ways to thrive and feel the wholeness of your humanity. That you can feel good in your skin.

To live a wholly human life, you must bring your sexuality with you. It is one of the cornerstones of your humanness. It is one of the most beautiful parts of being in a body. 

Don’t let the past hijack your ability to feel pleasure and ecstasy, and to love with your whole body. 

To live into the depths of your human life, do the healing work, and go deeply, valiantly, and earnestly into the knowing of yourself from your sexual self, from your deep creative and erotic impulses that allow you to know this world in all it’s magical facets. 

It is not a place you will arrive. It is an ever-evolving becoming, and acceptance of your every part. 

Love yourself the whole way through to your full and unapologetic liberation. It is yours to claim. 

A’magine is a pioneer in sexual empowerment and her extensive real-world experience sparkles throughout this book. This is a delightful journey toward better, richer, more fulfilling sex, for women who want more joyful, creative, pleasurable lives.


co-founder of Cuddle Party

Hi, I’m A’magine

I’ve been a Sexual Empowerment Educator
[&] Coach for over 25 years

I’ve helped thousands of people improve their lives, boost their confidence, learn the art of asking for what they want, step into their power, learn to radically love their bodies, show up as emotionally powerful in their relationships, rock-star their mid-life with the best sex ever, and put in perspective and practice the very real and important role sexuality was meant to play in their lives