It’s that holiday time again, the time of joy, cheer, holy union. Time to be with family. The warmest time of the year, right?
How sex falls to the wayside during the holidays
While the holidays can lend themselves to a deeply sensual experience, there is no greater time of year when couples consistently back-burner their sexy life for all the busy-ness and long things-to-do lists.
So many expectations go into the holidays and what will happen. If you are in a new relationship there is the new relationship giddiness, or the meeting-the-family-for-the-first-time anxiety. And if you planned well, maybe you’ve set aside some of your winter to go somewhere tropical and sexy.
Holidays can be very polished and family-oriented. We might hear talk of the excitement of renewed dreams or the gratitude of another beautiful year.
But it’s rare that people include other kinds of warmth—the heat of passion, kisses beyond the mistletoe, and carnal union. In the hustle of present acquisition, big meal planning, and travel arrangements, once again, unless you are planning a big coming out with the family, sexuality is the in-the-closet-cousin-we-don’t-talk-about of the holidays.
You go home to see your parents or your in-laws, and you find yourself in cramped quarters with little privacy, huddled under one roof to celebrate being together. You feel so cramped with your sweetie that you have no way to actually “be together.”
I can remember several holidays of sex on the carpet next to the squeaky bed. Just for the opportunity to be sexual with my partner even though potentially disapproving parents were in the house. Most people fear doing even that!
Many people want a sexy holiday
It’s so easy to go right through December and into a new year without sex or much sexual expression at all. But why start your new year that way? With no erotic juice? No thank you.
I talk to people every day about the sex lives they really want but don’t have. About waiting for their lover to activate their own desire. About wanting the other to take the lead, to want them, and then, when it doesn’t happen, disappointment ensues–again. Which, when experienced enough, turns into hopelessness about the sexual relationship.
It is very easy for people to shove their sexuality and sexual needs to the side in favor of family obligations, social commitments, and the needs of children and work. It happens over time and many people realize one day that they’ve lost decades to a sexless, pleasureless life that they can’t get back.
These patterns couldn’t be more apparent then at this time of year, as people try to squeak in just a little more sexiness before the year ends.
You don’t have to end your year with sexless holidays.
The holidays are sensual
Since holidays are meant to open us up—to the divine, to our belief systems, to time with people we don’t see often enough—why not open up physically? Invite yourself to end your year with your sexuality front and center. Rather than shoved in a box in the closet with the unused Christmas decorations. Why not find creative ways to bring some new sensual experiences to the holiday experience you know and love?
After all, with all the lights, warm beverages, deliciously prepared homemade food and treats, cozy fires, music and staying warm for cold weather, the holidays are a particularly sensual part of the year. In fact, I think that is a huge part of what many people love about the holidays, even if they don’t frame it that way in their mind.
Yet, for many, holidays are “the more things change, the more they stay the same.” The same dinner conversation ensues that happened last year. It’s another planned vacation that ends up sexless because you didn’t plan for it, and your lover didn’t coax you into a sexy mood when you relied on them to make the moves.
When you want something to change desperately and then you watch it all be the same ground hog day all over again, the disappointment can be weighty.
Tips to keep the holidays sexy
The holidays lend themselves to sensuality. Turn up the knob this year. That could include the way you share food, play, laugh or embrace the new things, smells, and the delights you receive.
It could be your new outfit that makes you feel good.
It could be hearing live music or playing it yourself.
Or it might be the way you choose to give, or what you choose to give.
Want to express more sexiness? Go shopping for a new deliciously decadent outfit and use it strategically with an invitation for an erotic night with your beloved.
Been fantasizing about experiencing sexual submission? Wrap yourself in a bow with a note giving your lover permission to have their way with you (details are encouraged).
It could be time you set aside for you and your lover. It could be choosing to say, “Even with all this time with our family, our sexy time is also a priority.”
With all that build up to the holidays, release is certainly in order. Letting go. Being easy and allowing yourself to have fun. Lay in bed a little longer. Be a little lazy.
Treat your body to things that feel good: everything from “masturdates”, to wooded walks, to movie dates, to a long romantic bath.
What will you do differently to close out your year with your sexual self intact? Get creative and include it in all the other mistletoe and deck the halls you’re engaged with.
How you include sexy time in the holidays so you don’t just reel towards the end of the year, hungover and exhausted on New Year’s Day, and way too tired for intimacy with a beloved, or with yourself, actually matters. And it often reflects the larger picture of how you treat your sexuality.
Don’t make it another sexless holiday. Santa wants you to feel pleasure, and so do I.
If you want to start your new year with concentrated attention on your sexual self, join me for one of two events where you will create your sexy New Year’s plan for the 7 areas of your sexuality in 2023 and relearn how to prioritize pleasure in 2023. Details below.
