What About Desire?

by | Jan 20, 2022 | Pleasure & Desire

If you’ve read my articles you know I see sexual energy, creative energy and spiritual energy as coming from the same well. We have a desire for sex, for affection, for a lover, to create art and beauty, or to connect to the divine, and if that desire is there, then the energy and material to fulfill that desire must also be there.

But that is where a lot of people stop and say something like “But I can’t really have that,” or “That will never happen,”and that’s the end of the line. Yet you actually get to have it, if it’s a true, honest desire. You can’t have that feeling of desire without the possibility of fulfilling it. There are all kinds of things that get in the way of your fulfilling your desires that happen in between those two steps. I recently spoke to a woman who said, “I’m really happy in my life. I’m being creative and doing what I want to be doing and I’m happy. My husband and I are not having sex and I’m just fine with that. He wants to have sex and I feel a bit bad for him because I have what I want.”

She’s happy and fulfilled because she is directing her sexual energy towards her creativity,and in my experience, creation is one of the things that makes people feel most alive, present and fulfilled–however they choose to be creative. That can be making a delicious meal, creating art, building a business or organization, creating community, making love or making babies. All of it is creative and draws from that same well of energy. It’s those things you get lost in, forgetting about time, making you feel so alive that bring the most fulfillment.

So in this woman’s case, if she wants to work on her relationship and is not opposed to sex, my next question might be, “Are you willing to make love with your husband knowing it’s meaningful to him?” The answer may not be “yes” and if it’s not then it’s not and they would have to work with having different places where they want to express and fulfill desire. If it is a “yes” then working with willingness among their differing desires is an amazing tool for helping both people to be fulfilled and not compromise their own boundaries and wants. It is sometimes really complex and it’s definitely not a one-size fits all. There are many ways to fulfill different desires in relationships, but the key is to know that if those desires are there, then the fulfillment is too.

I’ve been thinking about this idea a lot lately as it pertains to money and wealth and other kinds of fulfillment. This is a natural law so it applies to everything. If you have patterns in one area, you probably have them in others, so working on what mindset issues are getting in the way of your having your desires met will set you free to have the joyful, fulfilled, ecstatic, alive and in bloom life you so want. You CAN have it all. And you don’t need to hide and pretend to be deprived so those around you can feel okay.

I know when I was growing up I learned that going without is somehow noble. It’s not noble to be deprived and go without if it’s not in line with what you truly want. If you choose celibacy or simplicity in some way as a path, then that is your desire and that’s a beautiful choice. If it’s not, then to feel deprived is a drain on your life force and your relationships and you can choose to end that pattern of lack once and for all. It’s not a fun place and it’s not what is meant for you in this world.

You get to have your desires. They are not necessarily going to just drop into your lap though. You have to take action. You have to create!

Claim Your Desire Assignment:

1) What are five acts of creation that make you feel alive, present and fulfilled?

2) What are five desires you have in your life right now? What are the reasons you give yourself for not getting to have each of those desires?

3) How could you use the gifts of those acts of creation to fulfill them?

A’magine is a pioneer in sexual empowerment and her extensive real-world experience sparkles throughout this book. This is a delightful journey toward better, richer, more fulfilling sex, for women who want more joyful, creative, pleasurable lives.


co-founder of Cuddle Party

Hi, I’m A’magine

I’ve been a Sexual Empowerment Educator
[&] Coach for over 25 years

I’ve helped thousands of people improve their lives, boost their confidence, learn the art of asking for what they want, step into their power, learn to radically love their bodies, show up as emotionally powerful in their relationships, rock-star their mid-life with the best sex ever, and put in perspective and practice the very real and important role sexuality was meant to play in their lives