Your Journey to Sexual Wholeness: Coming home to your sexual self

by | Nov 9, 2021 | Solo Play, The Birds & the Bees

The journey to sexual wholeness is not linear. Sometimes it’s circuitous.  For the last few weeks, we have been talking about the 7 gateways to sexual empowerment, these are the gates each individual will greet and make a choice to either walk through or go back on their sexual evolution journey. Today I’m going to outline the last 3 gates. The closing of the gates that allows you to come home to yourself.

(Read Part 1 (Gates 1-2), Part 2 (Gates 3-4) here)

Gate 5: Expressing the Sexual Self

Now that you’ve figured out the things you want, you are ready to express yourself authentically and to create deeper connections. You seek the ones who will meet you in this new place, this place of your full sexual self and your deepest desires. Whether they are lovers, friends, teachers or witnesses of another sort, you seek that connection. That connection might also be a deeper connection to nature and to the divine, to your power to create what you really want to create in your life.

Choose not to hide who you are nor to pretend. Step boldly into the sexual being you are meant to be. You are not afraid of your sexuality, of your sexiness, of being you. Give yourself permission to play and have fun, you will scream in ecstasy and feel your biggest orgasm. This place of sexual expression is one so many people long for. They long to be free of what keeps them small, timid, embarrassed and unexpressed. They want to be bold, vibrant, free, and whole.

Most people hide their sexual self

What most people do is they compartmentalize their sexuality, and they reserve it for their partner, or if they don’t have one, they think they do not have an outlet for expression. There is nothing wrong with wanting a partner, but you always have outlets.

Reserving your sexuality for someone else is to make it small and it’s an act of giving away your power. It’s yours, not someone else’s. If you rely on your lover to take you where you want to go, you can only go as far as they go or have gone. So there will be a limitation and you end up making their limitation yours. This is about you deciding how far you will go, and going there regardless of what people around or close to you do.

Expressing who you are as a sexual being isn’t something you do only between the sheets or only with one person. You do it everyday. You bring your sexuality into everything you do. Your sexual energy is your spiritual energy; it’s your creative energy. Use it to energize all you do with creativity and magic. Bring beauty and ecstasy to daily living. The sexual soul is sending out its call at this gate.

Gate 6: Integrating the teaching and learning into your life.

As you fully express yourself, you begin to integrate all of what has transpired so you can be all of who you are and have it feel natural, not like a put-on, not fake, not inauthentic or uncomfortable. You become comfortable with yourself and you come home, finally. You bring it home and embrace your full living. And you are an integrated sexual being, no longer putting sexuality on the back burner, or compartmentalizing it off to the side. You have it as your center of power, as your core energy you draw from in everything you do.

Are you a fully integrated being, ready to take on anything life throws at you? Start adapting to your new self in your life, and renegotiating what does not serve you. You might make big changes in your life as you make this integration. Accept your new self wholeheartedly and without reservation at this gate.

As you can imagine, it takes some people a long time to get here. They have to do some serious work to make this full integration possible. They might even need to leave jobs or relationships that do not serve them.  Some are not willing to do that. They stop short of gate #6 and do not experience the full integration they desire, but maybe are not ready for. When this integration happens, there is no stopping a woman from being her most powerful, authentic self.

Gate 7: Expanding the sexual self and living in sexual ecstasy.

The seventh gate is the gate of nirvana. It is living vibrantly and in ecstasy. It is fully living in your truth and power. It’s becoming a woman on fire, a woman in her power, a woman who fully embraces her pleasure, desire, sexiness and body. Expanding the sexual self is to bring it into everything you do. It is to see it as a core of your own power and energy and a tool for living life as fully as you can imagine.

Living in sexual ecstasy is to really be in a full energetic exchange with the world. Being in a state of ever-renewing sexual energy, really living in your body, having orgasms, making love to nature, being present to all of life and feeling that powerful life force coursing through your blood and bones and cells. There is so much beauty to wake up to and it is deeply important for becoming a fulfilled erotic person.  

Come home to yourself and be sexually whole

This is the journey. Ask yourself for a moment where you have turned back. Which gates have you turned back from and decided not to walk through? Was it the waking up gate? The becoming sexually conscious gate? The release gate or the getting to know your own deep sexual self gate? The full sexual expression gate? The integration into your full life gate? Or the total expansion and choosing to live in ecstasy gate? Where did you stop and choose not to walk through? Not to keep going? Which ones did you walk through? Which ones did you pass the initial threshold, and then get scared and turn back?

Accept the journey you have been on. Accept the choices you have made, and know that you can begin to make new and different choices now that will be in service to your greater growth, highest sexual, and spiritual good. Take a moment to make a commitment to yourself for whatever that next step is right now.

A’magine is a pioneer in sexual empowerment and her extensive real-world experience sparkles throughout this book. This is a delightful journey toward better, richer, more fulfilling sex, for women who want more joyful, creative, pleasurable lives.


co-founder of Cuddle Party

Hi, I’m A’magine

I’ve been a Sexual Empowerment Educator
[&] Coach for over 25 years

I’ve helped thousands of people improve their lives, boost their confidence, learn the art of asking for what they want, step into their power, learn to radically love their bodies, show up as emotionally powerful in their relationships, rock-star their mid-life with the best sex ever, and put in perspective and practice the very real and important role sexuality was meant to play in their lives