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It’s the big unspoken secret. There is a real sadness many men (and their partners) have about the waning state of their erections, be it due to aging or other challenges in their relationships. Many men will blow it off by feigning a new disinterest in sex. And some...
Sometimes you get so stuck sexually and you are so used to feeling stuck, you have no way to gauge how or why. I see this a lot with new sex coaching clients and prospects. If a woman has gotten far enough in her process to call me, she at least has...
How many times do you put off your own growth, self-development work, fun, pleasure or education because of some made-up reason that really just slows you down and keeps you from having what you want, for no good reason? With sexuality, many people have a chronic...
It seems true that in every city there is an old lesbian bar that is sadly empty on most weeknights with an old dyke behind the bar greeting the evening goers who do venture in, which touts itself the old classic meeting place in town. In New York, that bar is...
Play is the exultation of the possible. –Martin Buber Ever since I first came across that quote by Buber, I have kept it on one of my altars at home, a daily reminder of one of my core values. Play. Sex play is a cornerstone of my work. We intuitively knew play...
“I’ll never have a sexual life like other women.” “I’m too wounded to have a good sexual life or relationship.” “It’s just not in the...
If you’ve read my articles you know I see sexual energy, creative energy and spiritual energy as coming from the same well. We have a desire for sex, for affection, for a lover, to create art and beauty, or to connect to the divine, and if that desire is there,...
I grew up hearing “NO” a lot. As much as I rebelled against the ideas that I can’t have what I want, that deprivation is somehow noble, and that I certainly can’t have it all, I internalized those ideas and lived them out for years and years. Yet a part of me...
It’s Hump Day. I’ve been there so many times. It’s that last, seemingly insurmountable hill I have to get over to fully experience the pleasure, joy, success I am aiming at. It’s the night before the deadline, the last week before the vacation, the final...
https://youtu.be/bIoppqG7dgU I talk with relationship coach, Marcia Baczynski, about how difficult it is to ask for what you want in your relationship or even to name what it is you want. Her specialty is working with couples in nontraditional relationships. In a...
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There is a common sexual experience that few people talk about and yet is more pervasive than most people realize.
Many adults are sexually inexperienced and this causes a slew of issues as they get further into adulthood, deeper into relationships, and well past the age when they “think” they should know.
How do we define “sexually inexperienced”?
First, we have to ask what it means to be sexually inexperienced.
Does it mean you’ve never had orgasms? You’ve only had a certain amount of sexual partners? How many? Certain types of partners? Haven’t explored sex with people of multiple genders? That you have only had certain types of sex? That you never had the sex education you know you need?
The day before my surgery, I got a Facebook note from Jr. High/High School friend, saying “It sounds like you are preparing for the worst. You are going to be okay!” My Sexy Nurses! This put a smile on my face! I was confused by this because I believed that I was...
As I wrote last week, my healing process has been really beautiful, made so by my own commitment to it, my planning and my community. But that did not come without effort and a major shift in perspective. I am someone who had to grow up very quickly and was always...
Sex means different things to different people. In this post, we'll apply Maslow's popular and well-known psychological theory and come up with a hierarchy of sexual needs. It serves different purposes and needs for each person. Also, those needs can shift as our life...
Read part one It’s almost shocking that psychologist Abraham Maslow thought only 1% of people would self-actualize. He thought that "most of us function most of the time on a level lower than that of self-actualization". Source I think most people want to see...
The journey to sexual wholeness is not linear. Sometimes it’s circuitous. For the last few weeks, we have been talking about the 7 gateways to sexual empowerment, these are the gates each individual will greet and make a choice to either walk through or go back on...
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